Monkey Olympics
To keep Monkey busy till the Coventry game I have brought Action Man's
olympic gear down from the loft.
Monkey : Great ! I'm sick of that 'orrible thing in the adverts. There is only one Celebrity Monkey and that is me !!
He asks Julian to help him train for as many events as possible to enhance Team GB's medal prospects.
Monkey and the Javelin
Julian : Now Monkey. Wait until I shout " Ready ! "
Can anyone guess what happened next ?
Julian : Ooooooooowwwwwwwww
Monkey : Stop jigglin Julian !
Monkey : It's coming out ! Hold your breath Julian !
Maureen : When are you going to learn to listen properly Monkey !
Monkey the Gymnast
Julian has helped Monkey squeeze into a skin-tight leotard.
Monkey : Fetch me a banana and two apples please Julian.
Julian : I'm glad to see you are going to start eating a sensible diet at last Monkey.
Monkey : Yes, they are for my lunchbox !
Monkey at the Velodrome
Inspired by the success of Team GB at the velodrome, Monkey decides to have a go...........
Monkey : It's no use. I can't work out how to cycle sideways.
Julian : I think you have to go really really fast.
Monkey : Maybe if I had one of those skin tight body suits...........
Monkey : Not bad Julian but everyone'll see mi bum !
Julian : We have all seen your bum before Monkey.
Sometimes Monkey wonders about Julian.
Monkey : Nope, still not going to work is it ?
At last they work out how cyclists do it sideways.
They all have invisible llama friends who can run very quickly.
Monkey Dives
Trouble for team GB at the Olympic diving pool. An argument has broken out between the two members of the celebrity synchronised diving team.
Julian : Look, I'm not doing it ! I've got more wool than you and a hole right through me that hasn't quite healed yet !
Monkey : You are oldest, you go first then I will copy what you do.
Julian : But you are a monkey and I'm a llama, I just don't see how we can possible synchronise...
Monkey : You are a wimp !
Monkey and the Pole Vault
Monkey's Team GB kit has arrived. He tries it on.
Monkey : It makes me look daft.
Julian : Since when has looking daft worried you Monkey ?
Julian : Now remember what I said. Up you go, over the bar then drop down gently onto the mat.
Monkey : Yawn, yawn, yawn...... I am the Sergei Bubka of the Monkey World !
Monkey : Here I gooooooooooooooooooooo !
Julian : Right now let go !!!
Monkey : Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Monkey : Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Monkey : Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Monkey : Julian, fetch a ladder please.
Let's Look Ahead to 2012
Monkey has become Lord Mayor of Barnsley. Just in time for the staging of the 2012 Olympics which have been relocated from London after the IOC realised what a dump the South is. The IOC decided it would be a fitting honour to celebrate the centenary of Barnsley F.C.'s first FA Cup win and their succession of victories in 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012.
A large crowd gathers for the lighting of the Olympic flame by Sir Simon. It is in the form of a Davy lamp in honour of the manager who lead England to victory in the 2010 World Cup. It is the first time Sir Simon has returned to Barnsley since his premature sacking due to 4 defeats at the start of the 2008 season.
Don Rowing has collapsed after the effort of organising ticket sales for the whole Olympic games. Initially sales were slow as applicants for tickets had to prove that they had attended 3 away Olympic games. Tickets eventually went on general sale from a single small kiosk in Dodworth. Queuing went on for many months.
The crowd gasps with amazement as 38 year old Darren Moore shatters Usain Bolt's world sprint records to win gold in both the 100m and 200m.
Monkey at the Paralympics
Julian : I told you they'd never let you compete ! Even if you have got a really really painful verruca....... and where did you steal that pushchair from ?
