Monkey has lined up another local-ish celebrity fan to be his first guest for the new series.

Here he goes then with "Monkey Meets......... Sean Bean"

Monkey : Hello Mr. Bean. That's quite an unfortunate name isn't it ?

Sean Bean : Not heard dat one before Monkey.

Monkey : Really, that surprises me. It is a funny name though, Sean to rhyme with lawn and Bean to rhyme with green.

Sean Bean : Dat's ow it is and dat's ow it'll stay.

Monkey : Did you ever think of becoming a sportsman yourself ? After all, you would have made an excellent runner Bean wouldn't you ?

Sean Bean : Dar dinks dars funny dunt dee.

Monkey : I'm sorry, I didn't realise you had a speech impediment. I would have thought a trained actor would have been able to manage to pronounce his "th"s.

Sean Bean : Av bin on telly more dan dee Monkey. Dars just jealous.

Monkey : That accent Sean, you are quite a broad Bean aren't you ?

Sean Bean : I am 100% Blade dat's all dat matters.

Monkey : I saw you in Morrison's last week nicking stuff from the pic 'n' mix counter. That's not on is it, don't they pay you enough ?

Sean Bean : I bet dars got plenty o tea bags.

Monkey : Not really, I prefer tizer these days. Tell me, if you stay out it the sun too long do you become a baked Bean ?

Sean Bean : Am not purrin up wi all deese puns, dat's enough.

Monkey : Ah, you're so Sharpe witted aren't you !

Monkey and Sean compare tatoos

A hug of friendship........aaaaaaaaaaaaaah !

In this episode "Monkey Meets ....." we've got the neighbours in again !

Monkey is talking to the Sheffield United substitutes' bench.

 

Monkey : Look this is getting silly. I can't talk to this !

It's a packet of things from B & Q that you've just fetched from the garage.

 

Today on "Monkey Meets ......." the host is determined to shed some light an Oakwell mystery........

 

Monkey : Mr.Bird, can I begin by saying what a tweet it is to have another Celebrity Fan on the show.

Mr.Bird : Heehee Monkey.

Monkey : Look, I've got a cup. Have you ? How does it feel to be pushed out from your position as No.1 Celebrity Fan ?

Mr.Bird : I've been on Look North Monkey. 768 times. Have you ?

Monkey : And on each of those 768 occasions you have wept copious volumes of tears and embarrassed your club. Aren't you a little young to sit in the West Stand Upper Tier ?

Mr.Bird : I'll tell you a secret Monkey. It only costs 2 shillings and sixpence for a season ticket up there. Decimal money has not been introduced yet. And at the far end you can still pay with shells and beads. When I was a lad, Darren Moore was only 21 !

Monkey : Tell me, have you heard about the strange disappearance of the light bulbs from the ladies toilets in the West stand ? It wouldn't have anything to do with your electrical equipment stall on Barnsley market would it ?

Mr.Bird : Heehee. What's that lilo for Monkey ?

Monkey : I thought it might get a bit damp round here later.

Mr.Bird : There are plans for a statue of me in Barnsley.

Monkey : Yes, it will be a fitting tribute to cricket. A bloke standing still doing nothing all day.

Mr.Bird : And I've got the freedom of Barnsley...

Monkey : That doesn't mean you can pinch light bulbs....

Mr.Bird : Boo hoo !

Monkey : Ha ha, that'll put an end to your little nest egg !! No more Robin stuff !

 

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Monkey : Hello guys, this is a real treat. I've never interviewed a whole team before.

Rotherham United : You.....are....identified as........Monkey......Barnsley Football.........Club's No.1....celebrity fan...

Monkey : Yes, that's who I am. Well, Rotherham United, Don Valley, what can I say ? It's finally been proved you are just a small town in Sheffield.

Rotherham United : We.....are.......not........We are ....the all....conquering team.......We beat you....We beat Wednesday....We beat Wolverhampton Wanderers.......We beat Leeds.........

Monkey : Yes, by moving the goalposts around with invisible force fields I've no doubt.

Since the Dark Lord, Ronnie Moore left it's been downhill for you hasn't it ?

Rotherham United : NO,.....it was .....just Milmoor....that was ......downhill...

Monkey : Yes that must have been difficult for you, did you keep rolling down to one side of the pitch ?

Rotherham United : Keep up Monkey........we can fly.....now....you have ....been warned...

Monkey : Actually I do like that show you do on the TV with that weird bloke, you always seem to lose and end up looking silly.

Rotherham United : Identify target.......... prepare to ........EXTERMINATE !!!

Monkey : Ouch ! Will you stop doing that !